Fortes et Liber
by Shelna
Summary: Fortes et Liber means strong and free, Sirius learned that from the daughter of his mothers friends. Mostly about Sirius upbringing, ignore her, she's just setting. Slight slash, SBRL.


Fortes et liber.

Strong and free.

Fortes et liber. Strong and free. That was always my goal.

Strong, I've always been. Strong enough to take the tone my mother always used on me. I became strong, from not being free. Because I never was. I came really close, every time I arrived at Hogwarts. Of course, there are rules there. But rules are made to be broken. My first night there, one of the other boys at my dorm, Peter, got really homesick. That's when it hit me that I wasn't going to see any of my family in months, maybe even half a year. Peter was upset about this- I had never felt so free in my entire life.

It took a little while before I got used to being a Griffindor-lad. But then I got to know James, and Remus. Peter just kind of tagged along. Never had I had friends like that. In the Christmas brake of my first year, my parents held a 'small party'. I was only eleven, but I remember it perfectly. I was wearing my best robes, with the family B on the side of my chest. That's where I saw her, again. Her name was Raven, and she has been a great inspiration to me. She was the one who taught me the Fortes et liber, that night. A year younger then me, we have always ended up spending those sorts of social events together. She went to Kasten Academy Of Demons, in America, so I didn't see her that often. But I could have grown to love that girl. Now we just unnoticeable moved towards each other, and I hinted her to come upstairs. There we sat, on the floor, talking quietly. It was the best time I had had in that house. She showed me that she had it written inside her medallion, and told me that it meant 'Strong and free', and that it was her goal in life. I told her that so was it mine, and not long afterwards, I kissed her. It was the first kiss for both of us, and it went surprisingly well..

We both knew we would see each other again for a very long time, but that it would take _that_ long, neither of us knew. Life at Hogwarts had almost made me into another person, when I met her again, five years later. She was still carrying Fortes et Liber with her, but now she has made it into a scar, on the inside of her left wrist. It looked like it had been painful. We spoke politely a little while, and then about old times. I told her about the first time I saw her- playing the piano to our families and friends. I was perhaps six or seven. She took my hand, and we ran into the garden. She told me she wanted to be a raven, so she could fly away from here.

I remember seeing her leaving- a fifteen year old fullblood girl. As I watched her, my mother told me that she was the one I should marry- the only girl my age from a family as good as mine.

Going back to Hogwarts, I had been reminded not just what I wanted, but who I _was_, and who I wanted to _become_. It was a huge revelation to me, and it rubbed off on my friends. Actually, everything changed that spring. Lily didn't hate James as much any more, and I began feeling butterflies in my stomach every time I saw a certain werewolf.. After a while I realized that it was not that the butterflies had just arrived, I had just never noticed them before. Didn't really take me long to get used to the idea of being bisexual (I've always know, in a way) but being crazy about Remus was a little harder to get used to. Until, that was, I realized he liked me too. I just kissed him one day in seventh grade, when we were alone. At first he just stared at me, then grinned. We just kind of fell into another kiss. It took nearly two months before we told James, and a week later Lily, who had started dating him at that point. Peter just found out one day- we'd forgot to tell him.

Graduating from Hogwarts was the happiest day of my life. My family had now officially engaged me to Raven, but as James and I were to share a small flat in muggle London, I could cut all ties to them. A year later I met Raven again, and for her sake, agreed to the engagement. That way, she didn't have to worry about her father setting her up with anyone else. Only my mother and brother remained of my family, so I sent them a short note, saying I was under cover, spying for You-know-who. I took Raven back to my flat for a while, and introduced her to Remus. Remembering her childhood dream, I tried teaching her animagi. No idea if she ever got it right.

Raven worked at the other side- she was rather high in the ranks at 'Voldie-camp', as she called it. She made them believe she was working for them, telling Dumbeldore she was being a double for him. What does that make her? A triple agent? I never found out what really happened, but two weeks before we were supposed to be wed, (or really, one week before we were planning on cancelling the whole deal) she was found dead, only nineteen years old. If it was the dark lord, one of the other death eathers or herself, we'll never know. But what we do know, is the funeral we made for her, was the way she would have wanted it.

I (as her official near-husband) made sure she had a stone raven, sitting on the side of her tombstone. It was easier then I would have thought, to accept her death. It was like she was never really meant for this life, anyway... Dumbledore said once that she gave information of the 'utmost importance', so I suppose.. I suppose that is how I should think of her. In her funeral, Remus and I stood a little away from James and Lily, who was just starting to show signs of their growing baby.

Staying after everyone else had left, we stood looking down at the earth where she lay, arm in arm. The wind blew though our hair, and I suddenly noticed a bird in a three, sitting right by us, watching the grave. When it saw me looking at it, it bowed it's head slightly, like in a greeting. It was a raven. Then, taking one last look at the grave, it took off, and flew up into the sky, disappearing from our view. It might very well have been my imagination playing tricks on me, but somehow, I don't think it was.

I remember turning to Remus, and reading the last line on her stone, without looking at it.

"Fortes et liber."

Disclaimer: I only own Raven.

A/n: Okey, so we all do one of these, with the character we made up ourselves. Yeah, the one that resembles us a little. Yeah, I did one of those. Tried to put in as much of Sirius-background stuff as well, to make it a bit more interesting. Matches The Hand That Feeds. Not sure how long this will be out, unless people really like it.. might repost it, with more Sirius stuff in it.


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